My Fear of Getting Older, and How I'm Getting Over it

I’ve never been into celebrating my birthday. I think it stems from a hatred of planning, but more recently, it also stems from a place of fear of getting older. When we’re little, all we can dream about is becoming an adult so we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. As we enter adulthood we realize that it’s a lot more complicated than that. We start to feel the pressure from society to be the most impressive and accomplished versions of ourselves with little to no direction. This type of pressure has been building and growing within me since graduating college last year. As my 23rd birthday approached, I started thinking about all the things I hadn’t done that year, started comparing myself to others and started the all-too-familiar downward spiral that I subject myself to at least once every couple of months.

One of my favorite photos from my time in NYC. I had been living there for about 3 weeks when this photo was taken.

One of my favorite photos from my time in NYC. I had been living there for about 3 weeks when this photo was taken.

It’s common to dwell on our failures, what we haven’t done yet and what we’ve missed out on instead of reflecting on our highlights, our growth and goals for the future. This type of negative thinking only creates negative actions and more negative results for us to dwell on. This realization has helped me change my mindset and feelings towards being a year older. I’ve started to focus on my accomplishments, personal growth and important relationships that I have gained this past year. I still compare myself, but now I compare myself to who I was a year ago instead of to randos on Instagram. The realization that the only person that can accurately judge me is myself has led me to believe that as long as I am emotionally and mentally growing a little bit every year, I have had a successful year.

This picture is from an uber spontaneous trip to L.A that I took with my best friend last year. I'm really proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone and becoming more adventurous.

This picture is from an uber spontaneous trip to L.A that I took with my best friend last year. I'm really proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone and becoming more adventurous.

There is always going to be pressure to do more faster. Getting older is definitely a way to feel that pressure. But even though these feelings are scary, they are also necessary. This is what gets us off our asses and go after our goals. What we have to work on is being okay with not being as fast as we want and realizing that just because we didn’t get to go to Europe this year, or didn’t get that dream job, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the near future. This year, my ambition is to work hard, enjoy my accomplishments, and work on my goals to make them a reality, even though it may take longer than expected.  

A blurry snapshot from my birthday weekend ft. some of my favorite people on this planet. 

A blurry snapshot from my birthday weekend ft. some of my favorite people on this planet.